he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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