I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
