Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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