tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
