Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
