someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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