No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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