Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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