Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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