Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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