umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize