I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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