We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize