end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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