I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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