hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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