and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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