she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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