I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
