evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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