I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
