I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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