We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
