Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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