Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
No I am not eating basil off your cock
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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