it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We need to get me chipped asap
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
