Moan for me like Helen Keller
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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