i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
