good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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