I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
