That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
