It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
