Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
