There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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