I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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