I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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