He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
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We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
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I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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