I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
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I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
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So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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