Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
