The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
