ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
