My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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