I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
