It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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