Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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