apparently the secret to your success is patron
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
