she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
it's like iHOP with fire
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
