The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
