i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
