there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
