I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
