is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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