you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize