Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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