It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
