I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
