just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
