i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
