she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
